Hate mail!!!
No, not that kind. The kind people send you via email where you must clock-in for no pay and redistribute the b/s they find amusing, spirital, or earth-shattering! No, I’m not passing it on to 47 of my friends, I’m not trying to get on any do-not-call lists because of you! Keep ‘em! Hang on to ‘em! Print them off and wrap gifts with them, I don’t care, but I believe I speak for the masses when I say “NO!” (Pretend you’ve been hit on the muzzle with a rolled-up newspaper.) No! NNNnnno!
What posesses people to go “I’ll bet all of my friends would get a laugh out of this.” and then, bombard our inboxes with useless clutter? Must I now mark you, my dear friend, as spam? Don’t force my hand! I will! You’ll get dumped right into the box with all the Viagra, Male-member enlargement creams, and million dollar pyramid schemes.
I hate mail like this. I hate it, hate it, hate it! I never resend them. Ever! If I happen upon the pearly gates of heaven, and i get asked “Uh, why didn’t you send the picture of the cat wrestling a baby to your friends? That was the key to heavens gate, my friend! You blew it!” Trust me, folks, Jesus is not the bastard you are. He’s probably getting them himself going, “Wait a minute, I wrote this!”
In closing, I never laugh, or cry or believe my luck will run out if I just delete it. I just delete it. Quickly, too. With little remorse. Still, how synical of a bastard are you to send me something, knowing I have a flight to catch tomorrow, telling me I’d better send it to 10 of my friends or something bad is going to happen?!? The nerve! Of you!
Here’s an idea: hand deliver them. That’s right, walk right up and ring people’s doorbells with your stupid “dog doing a trick” crap, or your “Jesus wants to save you!” s–stuff! (Careful, after all, it IS Jesus!) I think. If going to heaven was as simple as flooding my friends inboxes with junkmail, nobody would go to church!!!!!!!
Stop it!!!!!!!