Baby momma?
Are you a baby momma? Let’s clear the air so women can stop using the term in the wrong situations. A baby momma isn’t necessarily just any woman with kids by Joe Schmoe. There IS a difference. One makes sense and gives women clarity, the other simply reminds you that, well, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
A single mother who’s husband passed away, or she is divorced from the man she had her children with is NOT a baby momma. Women divorced from men they married AND had their kids with are NOT baby mommas! These women entered into a bond that either dissolved, or was broken by one of the two, or worse, she lost him to death.
Now…… a true-blue baby momma is any female complaining about not getting support from, being able to find, or does not have the real phone number to the guy she got knocked up by who never married her, lived with her, or was never officially even her boyfriend. (Girls, you know who you are.)
So, in closing, a widow, or children from a divorce from the man who fathered them does not automatically lump you into the baby momma, don’t-date-her-because-she-has- kids catagory. Women lost husbands in wars, car accidents, natural causes, you name it; you are not looked down upon for any reason, so you should never, ever used the term “baby momma” when refering to your situation. If all of your kids have different daddies, none ever married you, and you constantly whine about having to “do it alone” THEN you are a baby momma.
(For the friends of mine who plan to call me and ask if i consider them a baby momma or not, don’t. You know i am going to be honest with you, and if you are just looking for a reason to hate me, just log off and hate me now.)
AA: Man 101/ Is he a “man” or a boy?
Lesson two: Man 101
First things first, let’s make it clear that a real man is not defined by his career, what he wears, drives, where he hangs. In fact, in time, you will begin to see how these things can actually work against him. For instance, he dresses nice, smells good, drives an expensive car…but is 34 with a roommate. Priorities are out of whack. You may want to reconsider that guy with the used compact car that owns a home and fully funds his retirement portfolio. He makes the decisions closely associated with being a husband, father, and provider. But, if you were slobbering over the size of his rims, the car or his occupation, you may have overlooked this elusive good man too many women claim is difficult to find.
Most importantly, I hear women praise their men based off if they and their friends find him appealing based on (pay attention here!) whether or not he is dating you. As I mentioned before, just because he is your type does not mean your “type” is right for you. Women like bad boys, tough guys, thugs, and when has that ever worked out for the best? Sure, this is your type, but should you be dating from the (already proven) faulty dating criteria? Your type, in this case as well, is the wrong type.
Say you want a TDH guy, right? Talk, dark, handsome and rich! Perfect, right? He’s a head turner! Now, how many other women do you think want this man, and how many do you think he has had, and possibly will continue to have since so many women choose him based of superficial characteristics like his looks? Doesn’t mean he will ever make a decent decision when it comes to being a husband or father. He’s just…well, cute. You need to look deeper than that.
Great in bed? I mean, he knocks your socks off every-single-time he steps up to the plate! Know what that means? That he’s probably had plenty of practice! Few guys hops in the sack and start knocking out back-to-back orgasms, or trick moves that curl your toes, without having some truck driver-like hours logged in the bedroom. Not that he is a bad person, but you need to accept that he’s probably been around the block a time or two if you want mind-blowing sex. Virgins and clergymen are not producing similar results. The question is not was he a hoe, but is he still a hoe now that he is with you. Doesn’t make him a bad choice, just more experienced in what—if you want great sex—would probably keep up at night, resting on one elbow wondering how he does it.
Let’s say he’s very successful, highly intellectual, classy and extremely motivated. A real go-getter! Are you? Seriously? Are you just as classy, intellectual, motivated, successful, the whole nine yards? If not, guess who will feel like everyone is looking and talking down to them? Who will feel out of place everywhere he takes them? You will! He’s a suit and tie, valet the car type of guy, and you are chicken fingers w/ranch dressing, sneakers with every outfit type of girl? This-will-backfire!!!!! He will question the way you speak, walk, dress, eat, what you read, watch on television, everything! Why? Because everything he sees in you is what he feels he avoided to become the success and the man that he thinks he is. My problem, in a nutshell.
Everything about me is self-taught. When I wanted to become a comedian, and went to comedy clubs and I observed what I felt were the best. Guys who were funny, charming, witty, clean, yet powerful. I paid no attention to the loudmouth, ghetto, raunchy comedians I saw on B.E.T and Def Comedy Jam. They embarrassed me, and black people. My investments? Same thing. I read dozens of books on where to put my money and why. I hired what I felt were the best accountants, attorneys, and financial planners I could find. My agents and managers; same thing. Each person taught me about branding myself. Be the person on stage that you want people to see. If it is highbrow humor, dress according. Well, the women I USE to date never saw that. I found myself never satisfied with how they dressed, spoke, behaved or did with their spare time. So, I gave up the girls that gossiped about soap operas, owned few if any books, wore sneakers everyday, and refused to step their game up. I was the guy they wanted, but living a lifestyle they were not intellectually capable of enjoying with me. So, just because the guy sounds good on paper, you have to equal or surpass his accomplishment, or, if anything, have the same intellect, drive and class to date him.
To be continued….
AA
Since when has choosing a decent partner become soooooo difficult for this generation of women? What’s so difficult about it, really? If your parents do not approve of him, that’s a given. If more than one friend finds it necessary to clue you in to his character flaws, I mean, at least consider they may be correct. Just because YOU’D date him, does not mean a thing! Sometimes what YOU find appealing in a man could be the very thing everyone else can see as a flaw. Don’t choose with your eyes, choose by his actions. Haven’t we all spotted a used car, then taken a friend who knows cars to look at it before we buy it? They tell us it’s a lemon, we don’t buy it, right? Well, women have friends, family, even coworkers telling something is not right about the guy, and they date him anyway. Duh!!!!
That’s your first lesson! Pay attention to what others are pointing out to you! One friend claims he hit on her, another saw him out with another girl, your guy friend who knows a dog when he sees on has also raised a red flag or two? These are not enough warning signs? This guy has you so wrapped around his finger that nobody can speak logically to you at all? Then, let me guess; you’re pregnant, stuck with an apartment and vehicle in your name only, and now you want to complain of receiving no assistance from him? Sigh!!!! Let me help.
Since there are so many women today that are unsure of when they have picked a dud, I will make it easier for them. I will give them obvious indicators for when their momma was right and when or if their friends had any idea what they were talking about. In short, How to spot an asshole before dating, marrying, or getting pregnant by him: made easy.
Let us affectionately call this segment AA. Assholes Anonymous, because the men that anyone with half a brain can spot seem to walk around undetectable in society by the women to later gripe and moan of not having a clue he was a loser. This is where you can bone up on you man-picking skills or simply come to the conclusion that you need to dismiss your current mate. Is he an asshole, deadbeat, loser, womanizer, abuser, etc? Over time I will help you to see what, sadly, you should already be able to see for yourself that he’s a loser.
Baby Momma Drama
Okay, here is why i delete half the b/s that gets posted by female readers! One of the main reasons I wrote Why Black Men Leave Home… is I just got sick and tired of hearing black women gripe about getting no help from black men. Help with children and other hardships they, ultimately, made a choice to partake in.
Their self-inflicted hardships prove to be nothing but a vengeful attitude permiating through the lower class black women doing anything they can to shift blame away from themselves. This what feeds fire in this single-mother epidemic that the media too often casts blame back onto black men and the black community. The solution to this “epidemic” is not bashing black men over the head with pointless rhetoric about how we need to step up to the plate and mentor or become step-fathers to these lost children. That only implies that, if responsible black men who do not have a dog in this fight do not do something soon, black youth are lost. Which also implies that these black women are too clueless and ineffective parental figures to even be considered for the task. (Message!)
The rise in illegitimate births in the black community are due to who black girls and black women give themselves to. It starts and ends there! Period! Hell, I should end this post right here!
Nah, can’t do that! I’ll get right to the point. When black women stop giving the ass to thugs, hoodlums, and 36-year old pant-saggers addicted to video games, with lengthy criminal records, problem solved! Moral black men are sick and tired of hearing black women crying about needing help to feed their kids, when they could simply stop bedding hoodlums and break the cycle for the next generation.
I’ll be even more blunt: when women realize that they actually have the power when it comes to sex, they’ll win. But, what do most women do, and when do they realize that pussy trumps everything? When they want to punish a husband or longtime beau when they do not get their way. How odd is that? They dispense pussy in bars, nightclubs, parties and college campuses like Halloween candy, then, ration it out to the men who made honest women of them. This is what women of all races, not just black women, behave. But since I am black and wrote the book about black women, it fits here.
As with each book that I wrote, I based them off personal experience, and countless candid conversations with black women. Some knew I was writing a book, some didn’t. It would depend on if I felt they would be honest or not. When I gave an example of why I have no grey area for their overly clichéd arguments, most stammered for a intelligent answer. My question was simply: If he does not have a job, is a career criminal, unintelligent, abusive, gang affiliated, or morally corrupt on any other level….. why do so many of you have kids by him, and guys just like him? Secondly, if your momma has 3 kids by 3 men, and your aunt had 4 by 3, your sister has 2 by 2, how did you also end up underneath a hoodlum, assuming it won’t happen to you? And, lastly, why didn’t any of these clueless “role models” enlighten you on their mistakes so you would not make the same ones? NO ANSWER!!!
I’ll end with this, and I hope it is as clear as bottled water. Men cannot get women pregnant; women can only allow themselves to get pregnant by who they choose to lay down with. He has to ask for sex, engage without a condom and her without being on the pill, and she has to say yes to all of this. If not, she’d be pressing charges for sexual assault! So, women, if you have kids by several men you cannot count on, find, or bail out of jail… your life turned out exactly like you planned it! You got pregnant by, for, and with a loser. Stop blaming all men for you inability to make intelligent decisions. THAT is what black men tire of with black women’s complaining! Not black women, just their mindless gripes!
True to the game….(?)
The truest characteristic of a good woman is loyalty. (And, maybe, dimples on her cheeks when she smiles. How cute is that?) Unfortunately, for women, loyalty can be their worst characteristic. They will hang in there with the lowest of the low, then plant themselves on a talk show panel crying about some fool who led her astray. “I loved him” We know. Never said you didn’t or couldn’t, but you shouldn’t!
The reason: women are natural nurturers. They thrive off taking care of others, be it a child, tiny purse-sized dogs, sick parents, and so on. This is why women make better cooks, nurses, doctors, teachers and, in my opinion, politicians, if not president. They simply are born to care. (For the most part.)
That’s how much love is inside of a woman. Too damn much! Women can love things! Plants, shoes, an outfit; they can love it! Hell, women are extraordinary gardeners! Ever date or live next to a woman with a garden? Diligence, my friends! Diligence! Give a woman a bouquet of flowers, those flowers will live for years! Same vase on the window sill forever. Be there long after you break up. Even when the flowers die, they smash them into a keepsake book or diary. “Remember when you gave me the single yellow rose because you gave me hepatitis?” This was back when you had hair and little rusty convertible! Damn! That’s love!
What hurts women is they are too loyal to assholes. Stay loyal, but to the right guy! They stick with men they really should abandon. They will cut off a lifelong girlfriend over a two-bit loser of a man. Often without hesitation. “HE said that YOU hit on HIM!” “I would never do that to you. I don’t even like Tyrone! He don’t work, got two teef missin’, and according to you, a little small.” She isn’t havin’ it, “It’s Tuh-ron! And, poof, be gone!” Shocked her friends replies, “So, you gon’ believe him over me?” And so on. Ask around, every woman has one of these “I tried to tell her dumb ass!” stories. You can’t tell her he’s no good without risking you relationship as well. No longer friends over some temporary dick? Sad, but true.
To that woman, this man is her everything! I know men who are constantly in and out of jail, have kids by other women that they never see or take care of, and if the current girlfriend also has a child by him, she is more loyal to him than his own blood. He can do no wrong in her eyes, even when he is doing wrong. By that I mean, he could tell her of his criminal ways and somehow pitch it to her as providing for the family or catering to her whims and she is fine with the worst side of him. No future for him but dead or in jail, and she sticks by him. If the average Joe speaks of an invention that will change the world, she sees no glamour or future in that, and moves on. Trust me, decades ago, some girl laughed when some guy said “I’m creating what I will call a “computer” in my garage.” She probably laughed in his face, “Nerd! Loser! Freshman!” Flash forward, you have Bill Gates. The man I can’t think would have any problem getting women now that they can all see the fruits of his labor. But, back then, his dream was inconceivable, thus, no dice, and no girl.
These are the same women who do the math on a street thug and slide out of their panties. “Let’s see, here. Drug dealer/criminal equals fancy car, new clothes, and salon appointments? Where-do-I-give-birth?” Why? Because they may have friends or know of women who dated criminals and witnessed how those men spoil them. They don’t know any women married to inventors carrying a designer handbag or driving a luxury SUV. This is why the criminal element get more women than men with hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams are just that, hopes, with a hint of a pipe dream. We’ve all seen firsthand how lucrative drug dealing and bank robbing is; there’s no mystery to that. These women want nice clothes, a perm and to move out of the hood now, not when some pipe dream comes through. This is why assholes, criminals and lowlifes get hoodrat pussy and ruin them before they can ever become women.
Ironically, this is the same loyalty that, sadly, they do not exhibit with men on the straight and narrow. Being that I am from the hood, I know of too many women who hide drugs for their men, lie in court for them, wait for them to get out of jail to reunite for the brief time before he gets her pregnant again and heads back to jail. This is why, in my case, black women are so resentful of black men. They often only date the worst among us before realizing he was a fraud.
This same loyalty is rare when a man has dreams that are not on an athletic level. I remember when I first realized I wanted to become a standup comedian. My girlfriend at that time was skeptical, but supportive. Other women I had no romantic ties or interest in had less supportive things to say. Women who were dating the lowest of the low, but saw no future in my dreams, all while giving birth to children for men who destined for prison. “He ain’t even that funny, I’d dump him.” Months later, it’s “Have y’all seen’t Daunte? That foo’ stayed out all night! What’chu writing down, Darrell?” “Nothin’. I’m off to open mic night.”
We all want and expect loyalty from our spouses. Why not? But not loyalty that is borderline idiotic. Why women stick to abusers, liars, cheats, deadbeat, and worse, criminals can only be explained as unconditional love. They somehow blame themselves for their men’s failures. They want to see the good in a man who can do no right in his own life, let alone provide for a family. So, the question that still remains with most men is: Why when I get laid off from a job, or have a dream, so many women flip their lids about it, but when they recollect about past lovers who beat them, cheated, lied, abandoned them or was a lifelong criminal, they speak of him as though he were a god and stayed twice as long. “Yeah, he sold weed to neighborhood kids, but you didn’t know him like I knew him.” Oh, okay, now it makes sense. Sorry to doubt your logic.
Con-Vick’t
If Michael Vick is guilty of anything right now, it is having dumbass friends and family members in his camp. My mother always would say “Show me your friend, and i will show you who you are.” When has that ever been wrong? When have you seen a group of hoodlums, crack whores, gangbangers, you name it, and thought “One of those guys is the sweetest person you’d ever want to meet.” Or, “She’s not a slut, she’s just dressed like one, and hanging with several of them.” Right, you don’t.
Sure, Vick is being convicted in the media, but did he not bring all this crap on himself by keep the company that he keeps? It is really a setup to take another black man down, or is this a case of a black man not knowing how good he had it and not to *uck it all up by hanging with lowlifes who have no future other than to destroy yours.
This is not even about his skills as a runnerback (does he ever pass the ball?), this is about having $130,000,000 reasons not get caught with a bong on an airplane, to use condoms, and to cut ties with your loser, go-nowhere friends who fight dogs, smoke weed, and give your address when they get pulled over by the cops.
That’s right, none of this would have happened if his idiot cousin who was stopped on a traffic violation and found to have an usual amount of drugs in his possession gave his address as the one to the house Mike Vick owned. Thus, the police show up looking for more drugs and find 101 dalmations or some Disney amount of pitbulls, kennels, etc!!! Micheal vick is up shit creek because of the company he keeps, not because “The Man” is trying to keep another black man down!!!!!
Pacman Jones is no different! HE is the reason his life is about to take a turn for the worst, not anyone trying to railroad their dumb asses!!!!!
Menicillin (Now available over the counter)
Menicillin
Menicillin can be obtained with a prescription, and should be taken until the infection is no longer present. Though it is commonly used to cure many ailments, the overuse of it has allowed some women to build up a resistance to the drug, making it more difficult to treat her ailments. The medicine will have multiple effects. First, it is bitter going down. Secondly, it will make you think twice about the many decisions you have made, and tried to pass off as the men’s fault. Lastly, it will force you to calm down, relax, and not take life, men, or being in a relationship so seriously. None of those things truly define the woman or man you are, so stop holding them to such high regard.
The classic woman with Meningitis suffers from low self esteem and needs physical confirmation (ie: a black eye) to feel she’s with a “real man. I could see if women, for whatever reasons, can not be direct. They have somehow been conditioned to buffer others feelings. That’s usually when a person (man or woman) will hear the stock phrases; “It’s not you…it’s me,” or “You’re too nice.” She doesn’t know how to articulate that, since she can’t find anything wrong with you, your flawlessness might remind of that person she may never become. Anything else is horse manure! She was not into you in any significant way. You did not please her in those ways that are significant to her. She may or may not stay with one that surely did not please her. All this overshadows that fact that, even they know when a man is too good for them.
Many women are allergic to Menicillin, and are not use to being treated well by men; often becoming suspicious. He treats her like a queen so he must be cheating. You have Meningitis! Too many men in your life destroying your perception of what a real is, or how he should treat you.
Especially these young girls. They’ve never seem momma with a decent man, daddy was no good, so they have nothing to base their opinions of men off of. As long as you don’t treat them as badly as they’ve seen men treat their mom’s or sisters, you must be a good man. In their eyes only. The rest of us can see through those fools like fresh bathwater. Don’t know what she sees in him, can’t tell what she wants from him.
Maybe, it’s a generational thing. (Doubtful.) Evidently I know very little of what passes for a man these days. Apparently, being cool, hip and popular overrides motivation, determination, morals and ethics. From the way it seems, women would rather be with someone who beats, cheats and treats them like dirt, than a guy who will keep her on her toes, morally, financially and emotionally. Anything to say they have a man, I guess.
I’m sick of women like that. And believe me, I don’t date them. I just have to overhear them on airplanes and in the chair across from me when I am getting my hair cut hair (unisex salon: 2 barbers, 3 beauticians) talking about what is obviously a go nowhere relationship. “I’m through with men, girlfriend!” Okay, now mean it! Step off for a while, get your life together, then find a man who has accomplished what you have and give it a go. Stop bringing these substitute men into your life because the real men are out on sick leave or your relationship pool is understaffed like an inner city school. Actually take a man hiatus!
Paying the Piper!!!
With some men, their relationship wounds are often self-inflicted. Child support being one of them. I hear many men gripe about the amount they must pay, and worse, the back child support they owe. Regardless, you owe it. How much, and how far behind you’ve gotten is your fault. It can’t get behind if you pay it. And, if it is too much, pay it until you reach a resolution. It can only help men to pay timely, but many cut off all support until a resolution is met. Mistake!
But, here’s the sting many men do not expect. That relationship you had with a woman who said she wouldn’t take you to court if you just did your part and spent time with the kid. And, like a fool, you fell for it. Pay her, sure, but be smart about it because the woman you meet is never the same woman trying to leave or get something out of you because she now hates you. And, even if she doesn’t appear to hate you now, who knows what could happen down the line.
I cannot stress this enough; pay through the courts or a reputable mediator! Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever agree to pay her cash or even check because things are cool between the two of you. Too many guys fall for this and get burned in the end. I know of one personal friend that had this arrangement with is “baby’s momma” for years. 8 or more, I think. Everything was fine until he got married to someone else and the thought of ever getting him back, or anymore late night creeps had a permanent stank placed on them—It was over! She was only being nice to get him back. Secretly, she still loved him. Hoping he would have a change of heart. Even allowing him to slide back into bed with her during his lonely times and hers. Mistake!!!!
What happened next is typical. Convenient amnesia! She’s telling the court she hasn’t received any assistance in years. Years! Sporadic at best! Aside from a few cancelled checks or bank statements, he could not prove those cash transactions ever occurred between them and he was caught out there! Hoodwinked! Bamboozled! And another civil rights word that escapes me at the moment!
Needless to say, the courts found him several years behind on his support and hit him for nearly $8000.00! And, they went easy on him with that figure! 8 years? He got lucky! We all knew she was lying, but, without proof, what can you do? He had to start paying it…..AGAIN! Now imagine paying your car off and the banks calls and goes, “We don’t remember ever receiving a payment from you so, could you start all over?” You would freak out, and, with no check stubs or bank statements to verify that you did in fact make those payments, you are screwed!!!!!!
What most men assume is an understanding between he and the mother of his child is only that as long as she likes you. The second she has reason to hate you, she can pull the rug right out from under you, and take you to the cleaners like a Sunday suit! Heavy starch, no creases. She could easily say those checks for a few hundred dollars were for money you owed her, unpaid bills, you name it. And you would be surprised how many men leave the “memo” spot on their checks blank. Or, pay with money orders or cash. Foolishness!
Bottom line: Nobody, male or female, is the same person they were in the beginning once a relationship sours. And it doesn’t take much for them to sour. One bad day, one wrong comment, her seeing with her own eyes that you have in fact moved on…and you can cancel Christmas!!! Pay your child support through the courts, or some reputable mediator or you will have hell or more payments to pay. Now you and your new wife or girlfriend will have the debt hanging over your heads like unpaid student loans! You can’t buy a house, or new car, or there is a lien on your assets, if not, possible jail time!
So, remember, you aren’t with the mother of your child for a reason..add another reason to the equation: Trust! Don’t trust or believe her, and get it in writing that you’ve paid! You don’t want to become a statistic!
Thank goodness!!!!!
Sponsors drop BET’s `Hot Ghetto Mess’
At least two companies have pulled ads from the debut of BET’s “Hot Ghetto Mess,” a series that critics say puts black stereotypes on display but the channel calls “a blend of tough love and social commentary.”
State Farm Insurance Cos. and Home Depot asked BET to drop their ads from the series debuting July 25, trade paper The Hollywood Reporter said Tuesday.
Viacom Corp.-owned BET confirmed that sponsors asked to be removed from the show but declined to specify the companies involved.
Other advertisers remain in place and there are no plans to change the series at this point, the channel said Tuesday.
“Hot Ghetto Mess,” also called “HGM,” combines viewer-submitted home videos and BET-produced man-on-the-street interviews that the channel said in a release are intended to challenge and inspire “viewers to improve themselves and their communities.”
“Is my goal to discuss these issues in a format and context that makes people who don’t watch the channel comfortable or do it in a way that engages the 18- to 34-year-old viewer and makes them really think about these things?” Reginald Hudlin, BET entertainment president, told the Hollywood Reporter.
The six-episode series is hosted by comedian Charlie Murphy (”Chappelle’s Show”). It’s based on a Web site that features photos of men and women, mostly black, with extreme hairstyles and clothing typically linked to hip-hop fashion.
Hotghettomess.com was created by Jam Donaldson, 34, a black lawyer who’s also an executive producer on the BET show, the Hollywood Reporter said. On the site, Donaldson calls for a “new era of self-examination.”
On TV, “Hot Ghetto Mess” includes people of all ethnicities, a network spokeswoman said.
But the show and the web site have drawn accusations of being demeaning to blacks from critics including What About Our Daughters, a blog and audio podcast that focuses on how black women are depicted in popular culture.
The blog called for advertisers featured on a BET Web page promoting “Hot Ghetto Mess” to withdraw support of BET and its properties, and said it would complain to companies that sponsor the series.
“This is just a latest in a prolonged and consistent pattern of BET profiting off of promoting images that malign and degrade African Americans,” a posting on What About Our Daughters said of “Hot Ghetto Mess.”
Next on that list should be Tyler Perry’s cross-dressing, stereotypical depiction of the black race with his run-of-the-mill outdated comedic disasters. No man in a dress gets respect from me!!!
For sale by owner
Why did I pen the latest installment Why Black Men Leave Home… Let’s “keep it real” folks, the prominent black man is under attack in the media today. With the negative images portrayed in every movie, music video, and ghetto-themed sitcom, the time has come for the prominent and intellectual black men to speak. No longer can we sit idly by saying nothing as though this onslaught from the media and, worse, the sector of questionable black women labeling us all as dog, losers, criminals or thugs to continue.
As I have said in two of my books, bitter black women cannot be half naked, child-ridden, up to your ears in debt, with a limited vocabulary and poor outlook on life and cast any disparaging remarks upon black men without first exhibiting the “queen-like” image you expect black men and society to view you as. And, as for the media, well, you purposely seek out the worst among us to represent us in your reality shows, on-the-spot news coverage, movie roles, to say the least. It is a concerted effort. You know it, honorable black men know it, and virtuous, goal-oriented black women know it. Time for a change!
The biggest issue affecting black men on this date (4/29/07) is the Don Imus/ Nappy headed hoes controversy. The basis of his defense was “Why can’t I call black women “nappy headed hoes” when black men make a living off of it, and black women seem to have no problem with it unless a white man says it?” As much as many hate for me to say this….he’s right! Dead on! He’s absolutely right, but only about one aspect of his argument. It is wrong for anyone to use such disparaging words against women, but he is right in saying that black women didn’t truly respond to it until he, a white man, said it. Secondly, that black men profit from using it.
Now, what he did not disclose is the profits the record companies and other media outlets that benefit from it as well are reaping. The music video networks, record labels, ghetto movies and sitcoms, etc, all have their hand out to make money of those in the black community seeking any way out of poverty they can find. So, yes, of course a young black boy from the projects is going to accept millions of dollars for a record deal. From the desperate state many are in, who wouldn’t? But… (There’s always a “but”.) there must come a time when we wake up and realize that the money is the root to the demise of respect for and within our culture. That said, in a small sense, black men do profit from dehumanizing black women, but someone of another persuasion is dangling the check over their heads.
Now, let’s go a step deeper. Some of these executives, CEO’s and music moguls…are black! Black men, black women! These are the real “sellouts” with knowledge of what these companies look for, promote, and use to further cast a shadow of doubt over the viability of black men, and black women. But, again, someone is dangling a check over their heads as well, so they will do what they are told because they’ve made it out of “the hood” and will do anything to not go back. Even if it means destroying the mindsets of young black boys and girls, while simultaneously eroding every inch of progress black people have made since being emancipated from slavery and outright racism. Those are the first-level sellouts, and the rappers are second.
Third and, most importantly, are the black women. When will you get dressed, exercise some form of birth control outside of marriage, if not abstinence, and refuse to be defiled in these music videos, movies, on and on? When are you going to take responsibility for your image within the media? You cannot expect black men, the media, or politicians, preachers, or anyone else to do this for you, you must do for yourselves. Can’t correct or reform what you seemingly are clueless too, or have no problem with. When the deejay plays that song, walk off the dance floor. (Moral women do not frequent nightclubs to begin with.) When your boyfriend or husband plays that music or uses those words, take a stand right then! When your “agent” tells you he or she has a “small role” in a video project….turn it down. Respect yourselves before you demand men of any race to do it for you.
All women are not “b’s” or “hoes”, but there are not enough women, regardless of race to take an aggressive enough stance on this issue. If I am a rapper, and I can title a song with those words in it, then lace the song with the words over and over, and women still show up at my shows, I feel I’ve got something. But, if I let those words slip out, and women stop showing up, or walk out in droves, there is a message sent. So, for Don Imus, Oprah, and the others, you’ve missed a valid point in this entire so-called movement…Women have to step up first, and not just demand respect, but carry themselves as though the respect is deserved. From there, the men have no choice but to react. When saggy panted hoodlums, cornrows, gold teeth and Bling become pointless and the deterrent, men will avoid it like the plague. But, as long as black women covet the fake, thugged-out hoodlums, wannabe gangstas and jailbirds, their plight will only get worse. Start at home, first. How does that old song go? “Sweep around your own front door.” Start there, because your house is a mess, just like the black boys you often try to pass off as men.
Black men must step up their game physically, socially, and economically. We cannot wallow in the ignorance of being “hood” or a thug. We cannot fall into the misconception that educating yourself in not cool or hip. We must come to the table as men able to provide, uplift, and lead a family. A man must be that on so many other levels beyond how many asses he can whip, or his sexual prowess. Black women must hold the men they allow into their lives and into their beds to this standard. Never allow them to waiver from their commitments nor their responsibilities to be and remain role models to their children. The hardcore rappers, thugs, and hoodlums cannot, and should not represent us on a whole. We must step our game up as well.
Each gender in every race has work to do, and pointing the finger is not going to get that message across. We are all suffering hardship due in part to the choices we make in life, be it life, love, career, and so on. It isn’t every man, but the men you choose. Not every woman, but the women you choose. Women must stop trying to make men see things their way, and do things their way so that the men wanting to be in their lives have no choice but to conform or get to steppin’!