Walking the dog..
Many have asked “Why the third book? And, why about black women and interracial dating?” Simple, many of my nonblack readers do not understand the scope of what “good” black men deal with on an almost constant basis. The ridicule, the presumption of our worth to women, our role in relationships with the delusion sector of the black female population. In short, most on the outside looking in do not cannot fully graps the concept of black men dating outside thier race until they’ve opened their eyes completely to the nonstop bickering we must put up with to date a majority of the black women today. Here is a brief summory of what inspired me to cator a book specifically to why black men “seemingly” date outside of their race. Point blank: the attitudes, unrealistic expectations, and complete denail of black women in this alleged epidemic.
(This is not an excerpt from the 3rd book, but a general summory of why it was written. )
Walking the dog
These millennium sistahs have embarked on this mission to rid their lives of the dogs (men) responsible for their bad attitudes, illegitimates children, financial ruin and more. The problem is they’ve painted all men with such a broad brush that we all take heat for what a select few men have done to them. Women like this need something else to sing about. They are mired in dismay, and constantly disgruntled. Sadly, the women seeking to uplift black men, and simply trying to keep a positive outlook on life are often overshadowed by the often underdressed, bitter, gold digger-like anthems of a Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, or half-naked girl groups too young to even know what true love is, or be sick and tired of anything. Too much “Be gone!” and “Who you thank you is?” “Can you pay my bills?” has crept into the mindsets of younger black women, as well as the old. Women in their 30’s and 40’s are regurgitating the corny, hurt-filled words of R&B divas half their age, believing black men need to take notice of the abundance of good black women having trouble finding a decent man. None, however, ever sing about how men are tired of trying to figure out which women are hoes or just dressed like one. To them, it’s not an issue.
The problem with their pointless lyrics is the men these women expect to change will never change, so they are pretty much beating a dead horse. They should, instead sing praise to the men with no dog in these fights like the Jill Scotts, Angie Stones, India Iries, etc. These women do everything they can uplift black men and women, yet get no radio play because they aren’t tearing black men down in every verse. You’d think “the man” was spitting the venom these black women are making millions spewing their “Black men these days!” crap!
Each singer mentioned in that last paragraph has phenomenal talent, and release excellent albums. But, these days, when you ask black women what artists they listen to most, it is never anyone with a positive message or outlook on love, life or women. In fact, women are buying more music than men, keeping the woman-hating anthems and man-bashing crooners in business. Women love songs about creepin’, can’t do right, and worse, excusing their infatuation with the music as just listening to the beat, or the song having a catchy tune to it. “I just like the beat, I don’t listen to the words.” Ignorance at it’s best. What’s next, “He isn’t calling me a hoe, so it doesn’t bother me.” ?
Many will label me a “hater” because I cannot champion the careers of successful, top selling black artists, claiming I am out of touch with my blackness. “Why is you hatin’ on so-and-so?” How about this? Beyonce is multitalented. But, ..every song she drops speaks ill of black men, their worth to women, and what they ought to do in order to “get with” a female like her. Remember, at first it was “Can you pay my bills?” to being “Independent”, and needing a “Soldier” and not some weak, scrub-like, straight laced man. Now she’s cooing “To the left, to the left!” kicking another poor choice in men out of her life, and black women are downloading it as cell phone ring tones, voicemail intros, etc.
I don’t hate Beyonce, or any other confused R&B diva, I just think they need to expand their thinking beyond man-hating and wiggling and jiggling their bodies to sell records. They are right there with the rappers pushing violence and material gluttony to our kids. Each are in denial of how foolish they appear and sound. I’m sick and tired of their one note tirades, questionable live singing skills, and the message they send to young black youth—That black are not to be counted on for anything and to make your way without them.
Sorry excuse for a man…
I heard this one today. “Sorry excuse for a man!” That one eats at me for several reason. First of all, don’t paint all men with a broad brush for what you’ve failed to do–meet, choose, or make yourself worth being chosen by a good man. Don’t give me the line about what he wouldn’t do, couldn’t do, or had the nerve to try and pull on you because…YOU CHOSE HIM!
More than that, this sorry excuse for a man is the man you most likely made excuses for the entire time you were walking around with blinders on. The lies, the excuses, never pulling his weight, you simply told your friends and family that they “Don’t know him like you know him, and to stay out of it.” Now look at you. You hate all men for what you allowed one or several to do to you.
Still, they all have a story, don’t they? That guy who never kept a job, in and out of jail, had 7 illegitimate kids before he saddled you with one, and keeps the high score on his video games. Your own kids can’t even beat him on their games, and you want to compare all men to the one you should have known was worthless. This is the same guy that everyone had been telling you was no good, and you suddenly want to come clean with a statement like “He’s a sorry excuse for a man.”? Well, he was the perfect man until you ran out of excuses. Now that you feel like a fool, time to pass the buck.
Countless men fit this mold of “good-for-nothing” or “..a sorry excuse for a man.” But you settled for those men, and they do not represent the majority of men you could have been with, if you were even a catch begin with before Tyrone or Earl took you down with him. So, yeah, there are men who seemingly will never get it together, if they even care to at all. The problem is, and always will be….these men are never single! They always have a woman complaining about them, when the men these women claim are rare or extinct are stuck listening to this woman spill her guts about the quality of men these days. If any woman can get two sentences into any diatribe about how they are sick and tired of being sick and tired and the man doesn’t run screaming from the room, he just might be a good man. He’s already showing you he is willing to listen, even if what you are gabbing about makes little or no sense.
I know men personally who are complacent, jaded, and lack motivation. It’s a small world they live in, and they are comfortable within their ignorance. They live for the day, and that’s that. They all have women trying to hang in there and change them, when they don’t see anything wrong with how they choose to live. All that does is destroy another good woman, leaving her emotionally scarred, and unwilling to commit again. She’s had it with men these days, and may as well be single. Fed up when they need to get out of the business of trying to flip rundown men like dilapidated houses.
There was no excuse for him being in is 30’s with a roommate and rent, can’t tie a tie, doesn’t own a suit, bouncing from job to job, drivers license suspended, lengthy criminal record, bad credit and several baby mommas. Why are you the third baby momma, still with him, or trying whip him into shape? The tattoo on his neck of his dead homey didn’t clue you in? Give this time and energy to a good man, instead of trying frog this idiot into a prince. He is what he is…useless! And, sadly, the reason you feel as you do about the state of men these days. You continuously date the worst of them, then want to label all men as “sorry excuses for men”! If that’s the case, you are a sorry excuse for a teacher, since all of your male students seem to fail your class!!!!
Oops!!!!
Okay, I just fell down the steps in my own damn house! This has nothing to do with my books, comedy, or anything like that, I’m just pissed off! Why? Because I can’t blame anybody! And, it was a quick fall, too! No time to scream or nothing! All’s i know is I was looking at the ceiling. And, I cranked my noggin’ some’n serious! You know how, once your head makes contact and you hear the thud, that spot gets hot? Then you start to rub it because you can’t think of anything else to do? I think i rubbed a bald spot into my scalp. No blood, just my self-esteem ooozing all over the floor.
Now, though it was only 5 steps, my house has mostly hardwood floors, so it felt like concrete. Like library steps! It was feet first, ass-to-wood, bump-bump-bump to the bottom where i sat for, like, 11 minutes contemplating calling 911 or simply walking it off.
So, I’m laying there all elderly-like in the fetal position because I may have damaged my lower cravical ventrical artery or something. Somethin’s throbbing, and not in a good way. Know what caused it? Socks? New socks! Couldn’t get good grip, didn’t hold the handrails. But, i never hold handrails because i never… Well, i usually don’t fall. Especially in my own damn house! I should sue somebody! Who? Ionwknow!
This is a sad day for Darrell.
H8R AID
I was asked what trait I find most unappealing in women. Aside from chewing gum cracking (I’ll pull the car over and let you out like a stinky hitchhiker after two snaps!) the only trait I find common across the board with women I would even date is self-hatred. (This has nothing to do with the hoodrats, baby-mommas and whatnots many assume I date, this speaks of a majority of women who find it difficult to like even the aspects of themselves that their men like.) Simply put: Men like what they like, see, and have at that moment we meet you. What you (women) try to become after that is usually of your own choice: slimmer, younger, perkier.
Now, I know women that, in my eyes, are exquisite in ways that society, the magazines they read, popular opinion, and even their peers feel needs a little work. In short, trying to keep up with the latest fashion, trends, and so on. My ideal woman is in the area of 36-20-something-42! LOL! Well-rounded! Yet, when i find that women in all her glory, she hates the very things about her that have drawn me to her. “Don’t you think my ass is too big? I need a boob job. I’m too short.” What!?! Houston…we have a problem.
Far too many women assume the flaws they look for in the mirror are obvious to others, when they are only visable to them because they know specifically where they are. The most attractive woman I have ever dated literally showed me a scar on her pinky toe. No lie! Tears in her eyes! Now, what are the odds that i would get her to the altar, then suddenly remember a 1/4 inch scar on her right pinky toe…..and call of the wedding? “Baby, I’m sorry. It’s that damn toe!” She was 99.9% fine, with a list of “I hope you don’t mind..” disclaimers for me to sort out.
Women know exactly how many things they believe are wrong with them because only they check for them daily. They know it’s been a while since their last pedicure or having their eyebrows plucked and yet, the average straight male has no clue. None! I’ve never spotted a split-end in my life! Ever! Only she knows she has them, I’m not looking that closely, and neither is any other straight male. We simply do no scrutinize women that closely; gay men and other women do that for us. Try this phrase on for size, ladies. Pretend this is your boyfriend. “Girl, those bangs are entirely too long for your face. Pull your hair back, highlight it a little. Maybe a bronzzzzzze.” See? So who is does more damage to women’s self-esteem? I’d say: gay men and straight women!
The first sign of self-hatred is when women apologize for so-called “flaws” they assume you are going to see. She comes out in lingerie, or it’s the first time you are intimate and she goes “Now, bear in mind that…” and some well-thoughout explanation for the disappointing expression she anticipates will come across my face. It’s always something the last asshole made her self-conscious about, but you’ve yet to notice or even care.
Note: Feminine hygiene is the only thing women should be even slightly obsessed with. That’ll have me out a window faster than a few stretchmarks or lengthy cuticle. Even if you’ve just farted, I’ll laugh if you’ll laugh. Don’t blast one on purpose, though. That’s my job. But, if one sneaks out of you after a meal, giggle it off. And don’t minimize the infraction with “Oops, I pooted.” Not cool! Lift your leg, lean, close your eyes…and fire! Wave your hand across your face as simply say… “Nachos!” High-5, now, sleep on the couch! Withyonastyass!
The one thing i will say about men is: flawed or not, that’s just us. Funk-nasty! We never say “Now, bear in mind that i have consumed several beers and chili dogs today. Malt liqour, at that. So, I am going to be a little bloated.” None the such! We’ll come out of that saturated fat-stained tank top in 2 seconds if nookie is within reach! No apologizes for the lengthy toenails, misshappen belly, wierd odors or anything. We could have on one tube sock and a footie with a puffball on the back—-this is about nookie time! Only!
Still, the most intellectual, thoughtful, adorable women i have ever met seem to find it necessary to warm me of little imperfections that have consumed them for decades. “Now, I just want to warn you that..” and it ends up being something so simple that I would physically attack the man who planted that crap in her head. Just love yourself, be yourself, and stop trying to indentify with other women because, though they may be attractive on some level other women are not, that woman is alone, while you are with a man trying to love you for who you are.
The I-Mess
Of course Imus should be fired. Not because of what he said there, but for all of the other offenses in the past that were overlooked. I cannot come down on him if this were his first and only offense. If that were the case, he’d get the benefit of a joke-gone-bad, but we know all the racist bastich got caught out there!
Now, do i agree with is rebuttal, that black women are disparaged by black men far more than society these days? Yes, i do. But, let me take it a step further: they are degraded by thugs and lowlives, not real black men. As i said in my book “We don’t have a dog in this fight!” I knew that some day white people wanting to call us out of our names would use the “but they call each other that..” excuse after putting their foot in their mouths, but upstanding, moral black men are sitting back in their chairs thinking “Now, why did it take this to wake us up?”
Rap music has lost it’s soul. There was a time when it mattered. Not anymore. Yet and still, the worst part about it is black women, and white males buy more of the disgusting rap music on the market today. Black women have danced, sang, and shook thier booties in the videos for the very songs even i, as a black male, find degrading to my race as well as black women.
Imus only said what men like me and others have been ridiculed for years for saying: We are giving other races the ammunition they need to discredit us……for profit. After this, no rapper uttering those obscenities should sell out another concert. No moral woman should be present, or allow her children to go. No woman should remain in a relationship where the words even slip out. Black women must take a stand right here, right now. Bitch, ho, boo, baby momma, none of these titles should no longer be acceptable with them! None!