When coupling with another, do you make them better or do you they make you better? Is it that neither of you really compliment the other in any real way? If not, you have a problem. You are, again, dating what you want, not WHO you want. They look like you want your partner to look, but have no other redeeming qualities to make them worry of commitment.

I’ve chatted up hundreds of people for hundreds of reasons, and it always seems to come down to one thing: my assumption about who they are and why they are the way they are was accurate. They may not know it. May not believe it, but I see them from a position they cannot.

Who people are is often different than what they are showing you. Some, it’s dead on, but for the most part, you can see right through them. For instance, real go-getters don’t follow, the lead. They don’t join popular cliches, clubs, etc,. They do their own thing and, those who wish to tag along may do so. The same reason nerds don’t get accepted into sororities and fraternities are the same reason those nerds will be who they go to when in need because the nerd focus on what he/she wanted to become down the line, versus how they want to be perceived in college. The nerd becomes the doctor that delivers the eight baby for the girls who laughed in their faces and dated dumb jocks. The judge that sentences the popular idiot to life in prison was the nerd hung upside down by his feet in school. He or she didn’t fit in, so they carved their own paths to greatness instead assuming a frat or sorority would define who they are.

Modern trends are no different. Take the Goth kids, for instance. Seemingly emotional and lost. Often angry, confused and feeling lonely. They assume nobody gets them. Many believe they are destined to be alone. They close themselves off from the rest of the world, and wallow in the pity of others who also chose not to deal with their issues in any way other than social protest. It’s easier, again, to just blend right in with those who you assume are like you, rather than to go out and be yourself. I’ll explain, and i will use this example to clear up hoodlums, gang bangers, goth kids, racists, you name it.

Notice how all Goth kids dress, usually in all black attire, dark makeup (eyeliner, black lipstick, fingernail polish)? How they all look exactly the same? Well, those people are incapable of interaction with anyone outside of their comfort zone. In fact, the wardrobe speaks for them. You see someone in clown-like black makeup, black studded clothing, black fingernails and dark black hair with a hole in their nostril, you already know you are amongst your kind. No need to ask, or break the ice, or hope they understand you, you can see by how they dress that you automatically fit in. That is why most say “They get me here.” with which ever group accepts them. Can’t we all spot a pothead, skateboarder, redneck, slut, asshole and so on before they even speak? It’s the uniform.

I’ve asked people what their issues are, and they say “Well, my friends/coworkers/spouse says I too picky/lazy/emotional.” Whatever the issue, you accepted a label, you never really came to any valid conclusion as to why you may be the way others have convinced you you are.

Say all of you friends say you are “no fun” to be around. But, one chain smokes, the other drinks too much, one has a litter of kids, another sleeps around, and the last one likes the bar scene. Okay, all these people just tried to convince you that you are wrong for not doing the things they hoped would bond you all together. See what i’m driving with this? If you accept that all of your friends things you are a stick in the mud and not consider that you surround yourself with the wrong people, you are not cured. To not do any of those things your friends do means you are above the crap they need in their lives to feel important, wanted or needed. You don’t need that crap, so THEY judge YOU? Please. Get new friends.

The perpetual state of sadness for some is comfort when among others who also choose not to address their issues. That is why our friendships become one sided, our relationships fail, and our lives seem mired in controversy. We bask in misery instead of escaping into our own sense of individuality. Stop allowing people that are constantly unhappy into your lives. Stop thinking you need to stick around until they get better. Stop believing that people will change if you just love them more. It doesn’t work that way. They want to be miserable. If they didn’t, they’d seek help or accept constructive criticism.

They come in threes! That’s no different than baseball. You get three strikes!

Ladies, first. If your new man does not please you sexually before you finish this pack of 3, sit down and have a frank discussion with him about the who, what, when, where and why. True, you can’t feel a damn thing with them on, but that should be his excuse for at least lasting a little longer than usual. Yes, with no feeling between you and the used tire shrink wrapped to your penis, you can lose the erection and fall flatter than drunk college girl singing a Whitney Houston song at karaoke! 3 strikes!

If by the end of that 3 pack, you still feel unappreciated, unsatisfied or used… go with your gut and slam on the breaks. Don’t have to necessarily dump the guy, but the sex needs to be put on the back burner until we come to some logical conclusion to you why sex is great for you, but terrible for me. If he steps his game up during the sexual time-out, reinstate him with a fresh 3-pack and see if he gets the job done based on what you two discussed in order to make it more pleasurable for both of you. If either of you come up short, walk away.

Men, if you’ve run through this pack of three and haven’t rocked your woman’s world, man up and find out what you need to do. And, no, i don’t mean going down on her because, hell, most men can make any woman orgasm from that. That’s the easy part. If you cannot produce an orgasm through intercourse, you are missing signals, and she’s not going to tell you. Nobody wants to criticize their sex partners. They just hope they kind of figure it out. Well, i am asking both men and women to look inside yourselves and ask if it couple quite possibly be you.

You’re relationship issues stem from an inability to couple with those who best suit your needs, verses choosing someone who meets your expectations. I mean, there are people that are good for you, and people who make you look good. Which are you choosing to date? The girl with the nice rack, so your friends can see what type of chicks you bang? The guy with money and cars so women can be jealous of the men you attacts? At the end of the day, male or female, this is about you, not the idiots you chose to give a parking space in your life’s parking lot.

Look at your choices, not so much the person. Did your last 3 boyfriends take you out and pay everything, but this one doesn’t? Ever thought about why? Maybe he knows that spoiling a woman upfront on a first or second date is just window dressing. Maybe, deep down, you tire easily of men who cater to you without trying to get to know you? As, i assume, many women don’t know is: mean either try to impress you, or get to know you. Only you can steer that train onto the proper tracks. He may be a nice guy trying to impress you so, if you spot it, redirect his focus and see if he gets it. Most men are relieved once they find out they don’t have to do half the crap we thought was expected of us.

Lastly, either stick with what works, or move on and try something new. People make the same complaints when they knew what they had with the last person, versus what they have with the new one. If he made you dinner, kept the place clean and listened when you needed to talk, why cheat with the better looking idiot? Why leave for a guy who is “more fun” when fun gets old and doesn’t pay the bills, nor raise a child. What you see is what you get, so don’t try to adjust it in any way. I hear men saying things like “My old girlfriend use to love giving head? Or “We had sex twice a day or everyday. She didn’t know the word, NO.” Okay, so, why are you with a girl who smokes, hates oral sex and does it twice a week? Because you got caught cheating with her and are looking back on what you screwed up? That’s why most people complain about current relationships and compare than to the old. “My old boyfriend use to rub my feet, call me, and walk my dog.” This new guy does none of that.” Really? That means you have no clue when you are in something good, so you blow it by seeking the approval or attention of someone who is great at giving attention, but sucks at every other aspect of a relationship.

That’s on you!

Not only does this embarrass your race and make you laugh at the same time, it makes you wonder… What the hell is wrong with people? LOL!

Listen, I am all for any female finding out who the father of her child is. Who’s against that? But, for these talk shows to steadily give women a pass on behavior that is clearly more their fault than the 10 other men they are testing just pisses me off. Yes, a man lays down with a woman, he should take care of that child. I get that. Here’s your cookie..

Now, whether she is testing 10 men, or two, is anybody gonna consider that, despite the number of men you have to sleep with within days of ovulation where you can get pregnant (google it, if you don’t know)… Who allows that many men to, well, you know… leave a mess inside them with no regard for the guy you sleep with the next day? If you want get down to the trifling aspect of this, it is NOT the 10 men who slept with her in a weeks time or less, but that she let each and every one of them spill a little of himself inside her, basically allowing the next guy to swim in the last guy’s man soup. THAT, my friends, is what disgusts the hell out of me!

But, when the guy comes out from backstage to join the other eight men, or even one, the audience boos..him? Him? He slept with her, she can’t recall who she slept with, without a condom, within a 5 day stretch or so? But, the men are the problem, right. Need to man up and take care of their kids? That’s the bigger issue, right? Not that this keeps happening over and over again where 3 women have had 31 sex partners between them? But, that men are just pigs, when….

Well, you see what I’m driving at, right?