Darrell Joyce

Comedian - Speaker - Author

Exit wounds

black athletes I don’t have the exact number of athletes being shot or killed in or outside of nightclubs, or getting caught with guns, but, no matter the total, when does it end? When do they wake up and realize that they aren’t wanted in there? That these hoodlums inside have nothing to lose by putting a couple of bullets in their asses? You have the world on a string, and you’re trying to be the king where some drug lord is already the man? That’s like arguing with a guy on death row; there is no punishment for him! It’s you or him!

And why is it always the black athletes who can’t stay out of nightclubs? All that money, and the future they have ahead of them, and they ruin it all by getting beaten up, or worse, killed after an altercation with a jealous asshole carrying a gun! White guys overdose or die in a bunji jumping accident, but black athletes always have to frequent places it has never been safe for even broke people to go. Carjacked in a Bentley, when you shouldn’t have driven through your old neighborhood in the first place! You may not think you were showing off or rubbing it in, but to some, you were. Then, …Shot! It never fails.

Sure, Big Ben (quarterback for Pittsburgh Steelers) rode a motorcycle without a helmet, and the Yankee pitcher died flying his own plane, but that is of their own negligence. Getting shot for looking at somebody’s girl or stepping on someone’s sneaker is not a good enough reason to die! Wreck your Ferrari at 200 mph, I could see that. Hell, I can’t rule that one out for myself. But, shot by Tyrone and robbed for my jewelry or because I hit on his girl at the Thirsty Turtle? Never happenin’!

It’s common sense! Still, Paul Pierce, Darrent Williams, Stephen Jackson and friends, you name it, they always end up getting into something with several guys with nothing to lose. If you have millions, or can afford to rent a limousine for the entire evening and order expensive bottles of wine, you can afford to simply have a party at your house. Hell, put a nightclub in your house! That way you know who’s in there, and what could possibly go down. But, nooooooo! These idiots ride around with guns when they can afford bodyguards, and wear millions in jewelry into a two-bit nightclub on the wrong side of town! Idiots! They are asking for it!

Here’s why those guys get shot. The last thing men in a bar want to see is a guy walk in who can leave with every girl you’re trying to leave with. These men are regular 9 to 5 guys or street hustlers trying to get laid for the weekend or meet a girl, and you walk in with your fame, fortune and jewelry on and take 3 of them, thinking it’s all good. First of all, when you are wearing a pair of earrings that cost more than every car in the parking lot but your own, you should get robbed! I’d rob you!

Secondly, every man who thought he was somebody has been reduced to rubble simply by your presence. Meaning: even the girl he came with is sweatin’ you now. “Is that….?” (Screeeeeeech!) “I know you ain’t all up on him like that, right in front of me? He ain’t nobody!” Does that sit well with a hoodlum with nothing more to brag about than a set of rims or a dance move? No! I know a couple of NFL and NBA players, and, most of these guys are freaks of nature! All jacked up, rock hard and 6-foot plus! I ain’t fighting a linebacker, I’ll break a beer bottle and end you before I let you Charles Barkley me through a plate-glass window!

If my self-esteem or reputation has been called into question simply because you’ve walked into the room, my girl is sweatin’ you, I’ve had a few drinks and a bad day already. And, now I have to back down from you and your boys because you are 300 lb behemoths? Not only will my friends lose respect for me, but my girl might leave with you. Not to mention, I will be the laughing stock of the bar, if the not the town, for years! “ ..member when #32 was about to whip yo’ ass?” flashes through your mind, and, in an instance, you react. Lights out! For him, of course. For you? You’ll be out in 8-15 years.

The odd thing is, women don’t understand why I wrote in my book how I will never date a woman who goes to nightclubs. For the same reason she could end up a widow, I could end up in a pool of blood, simple because some fool said or did something to her. Never! She could get thrown over a table, I ain’t comin’! I have too many things going for me to end up shot by a hoodlum or in jail, missing a flight to the Bahamas to do a show. I told her not to take her ass in there, and now she’s picking herself up off the floor after a brawl breaks out, or some guy doesn’t like the way she turned him down. “I’m callin’ my boyfriend!” Don’t bother, I ain’t comin’! I don’t do bars!