Darrell Joyce

Comedian - Speaker - Author

A 2-piece of my mind..

Fashion Fashion today has taken all of the femininity out of being a woman. It’s made them lazy exhibitionists, instead of wives and role models for our children. What women wear affects their moods, whether they will admit it or not. The ones who dress like sluts usually carry themselves in the same manner as one. Yet, women take constructive criticism for granted because someone they assume has no taste in fashion (which demeans them) has tried to clue them in to the fact that they look disgusting, or like their hanging onto the past. 40+ and wearing low-cut tops, belly-shirts, and skintight pants? Come on now!

Doubt me words? Talk to any employer who fought against casual Friday, and get his or her opinion of how the employees behave when the last day of the workweek is treated the beginning of a three-day weekend. They don’t look professional, and, in many cases, do not act like professionals. The suit and tie, briefcase, or whatever essentials are needed to do their jobs with class and dignity are no longer present, so their attitude and demeanor suffers because of it. This is why the ugliest chick with a killer body doesn’t believe is lackluster, and that men need to bring more to the table to be with her, when she hasn’t accomplished anything other being alone for you to meet her, and squeezing into a pair of jeans that really, truly, do not look good on her. Ego from that alone; nothing she has actually accomplished.

I just want a woman who dresses like a woman, and carries herself as such. Not in knee-high Timberland boots and booty shorts. That’s cute when you’re 17, not when you’re trying to be a wife. They don’t get it, though. This is another reason they refuse to admit is why they don’t have a “good man”. What real man sees “wife” in her?

Imagine showing up to court to prove your innocence, and the judge has on sweatpants and a baseball cap, turned backwards. Would you think he was taking your case seriously? Of course, you wouldn’t! You’d want him removed from the bench. This is how women approach relationships these days. They dress like they are still trying to find or attract a man, when they already have one, and nobody can get that through their heads.

My biggest pet peeve has to be the bulging panty line. I know the low-riders, tattoos, and exposed thongs should top my list, but those are fads and don’t have much time left before they fizzle out. Panty lines are an on going, never-ending cycle of indecency that doesn’t seem to break with each new generation. How hard would it be for a mother to sit her daughter down and explain to her that if it appears she is wearing a diaper, the pants are too tight? Not that she should switch to a thong, or wear no panties, but that the pants are too tight!

Well, momma can’t do that because momma dresses the same way. If you are the father of this little girl, good luck trying to educate her about what he mother refuses to exemplify-class! I’ve witnesses friends of mine with daughters pleading with their wives about what they wear, and allow their daughters to wear. What happens next, you ask? Someone is sleeping on the couch for being verbally abusive.

Today’s women are becoming too relaxed about maintaining their femininity. Almost manly. Too many own more jogging suits and sneakers than actual decent clothing. Nothing disgusts me more than those two-piece, zip up sweat suits with the words printed across their asses. How gross are those things? A woman, (usually, out of shape) in a latex or terrycloth, two-piece jogging suit? Gross! They look like men! There is nothing sexy or feminine about them. Nothing! Yet, because they are low maintenance, women seem to own more of this crap than anything else. And who cares if it’s pink, red or lavender, it’s a freakin’ jogging suit! They act like they are coming off the bench in the 3rd quarter. I hate those things!Heaven forbid women ever get a clue that this is the most unforgiving fabric on the market next to spandex. You can see every dimple, wrinkle and lump in their pants, not to mention, that atrocious panty line, and they think it’s the cutest thing going. Very few of them have the body to wear that crap, and even more never realize they are too old to. They’ve got them yanked up to their armpits, just above their belly buttons. Which proves they shouldn’t have the crap on!

To his credit, my brother calls them tennis shoe pimps, because, everything in their wardrobe can easily be accented with a pair of high top sneakers. 36 years old, and doesn’t own, nor can they walk in a pair of heels. They’re like rookies for the Femininity All stars. (Crowd cheers) “At guard, 5’ 2″ and weighting 187 lbs, wearing a sweat suit, ball cap, and pink high tops…Ms.Jones! And, at 5’ 4″, and weighting in at 207, with the word P.H.A.T printed across her dimpled ass, your power forward, Ms. Lumps! Last, but not least. At 5’ 7″, weight 166, still on her cell phone and her hair in crimson cornrows, violently chewing a piece of gum, Ms. Smith!”

Thanks, but, no thanks! I’d rather have a feminine woman with out dated clothes, than an up to date one dressed like all of the other confused ones roaming the malls these days. Buy a dress, put on a skirt. And not one of those micro miniskirt, either! There is nothing sexy about a skirt or shorts cut up to crotch level, yet, they don’t believe they look cheap and desperate. Not to mention, buy them for their daughters. For shame!